Mirrored Impersonations

“Be careful when you tap the mirrors, they often show a side of us we never wish to see. The one we hide. There, though, there they live freely to do and haunt as they please. Forever trapped in a careless world.” A soft voice comes to me now, soft but strained. One desperate for me to look at her without the bored look on my face — how can I when there is nothing but boredom in my heart?

So, I tap the glass, my finger poking itself into oblivion. Wiping away all of her worried words with the simple act of doing as she fears. I wonder if I will ever feel anything. If I was there, would I still feel bored or would I feel the hate she describes so harshly? The pain she wishes to never exist. My stomach is settled and I feel the hate now. I hate her for telling me the things she did. I hate the way she tells me what I should do; what I should be.

I watch with pale eyes as the thing before me starts to lift its mouth into a smile, splitting its face; curling in on itself until it was nothing more than a blank face home to the twists and swirls of a mouth. It almost reminds me of the Cheshire Cat, if he could even smile that wide. It held my breath with its laughter, refusing air to enter my lungs. It grabs my wrists with her own cold sharp hand, feeling like gripping a charged battery that had been left in the cold for too long. Pulling me forward into the glass, I brace myself for the impact waiting for shards to shatter and rain down around me.

It never comes, what was once hard and cold started to liquify, rippling like a drop of water into a pond. It was hot and molten and the scent of burning flesh grasped my nose sending my diaphragm into a panic. It washed over me like walking through a fall of ready coffee. With My breath being held, I waited for the pain to wash over me and give way to pleasantry.

My eyelids pinched together refusing to look at my surroundings. Toes curled into the soft moss and I felt my panic subside. Bird songs pulsated in my ears, waiting for my eyes to greet them. Cautiously, my eyes peeled open and I was met with hard daylight and swirling clouds that looked strangely familiar.

Small flowers popped up from the ground in a greeting, holding me in a gaze of their own. A creak lay zigzagging through the trees. I scraped at my eyes with the back of my hands, debating if the scene before me was real. I walked over to a tall thin tree and placed my hand on it. The crevices allowed my hands to dip and grip the trunk.

Where am I? My eyes wander the sky for anything that might give me a clue. I was met with a gaze of my own; everything above me was the same as it was before me. Like a reflection, it rippled and moved as I did. Before I got a chance to question what was in the sky someone came charging up to me.

A machete in hand as he rushed me, his face heated with anger and shock turning it red. I pushed out my hand to keep the distance, to keep safe. His face moved with pain and danced with enlightenment. He crumpled to the floor looking up at me with eyes once black now turning light brown, pleased with the turnout.

I watched as he relaxed onto the ground, his eyes glossed over forever holding my gaze. What the f**k. My hands clenched and I felt something small and sturdy in them — knives. The sky darkened and the wind howled, echoing in the distance. My hair whipped my face, dark brown and mercilessly.

I turned, suddenly aware of how foreign everything was. The trees didn’t whisper their secrets to the wind and the sun never changed even as the shade of the sky does. The creak that I had once thought to be beautiful never churned and rushed, just stood, content like a painting.

A small figure caught my eye and I slowly glanced over at it, cautious of every movement. As it became clearer a small person held an even smaller flower. She looked down at it almost sadly.

“Why are you here?” She said in a small voice, I had to strain my ears just to understand.

“I don’t know. I’m not even sure where here is,” I replied not breaking my gaze from her small, pointed face. She still had yet to grow into her head, it looked as though she was too smart, too knowing for her age.

“You don’t belong here, a permanent face should never be here,” she said in a sing-song voice. My stomach bubbles and fear carved a hole into my belly. I open my mouth for a question but let the words die on my lips. “So, why are you here?”

I almost missed her question over the rush of blood in my ears, my heart was beating too loud for me to answer. The silence so loud it was slamming the drums in my ears harshly, I could feel my blood run cold with uneasiness. She crossed her arms and tapped her fingers impatiently.

Her eyes slid from me to the body lying twisted at an uneasy place in the grass. “Not even a few minutes here and you are already wreaking havoc aren’t you?” A smile plunged her face into turmoil. She began to grow, elongate is probably a better word. Her spine twisted and caved in stretching her body to the mirrored sky. Her arms now frighteningly long, almost reaching the floor, swipe at me.

I turned and ran, not wanting to look at the appalling creature again. Her legs were almost that of my whole body twice over and her somehow grew smaller than what it once was, she was all limbs as far as I could tell.

I ran through silent trees, my feet not making a sound despite them pounding on the grass. This whole world just echoed in its own silence. The trees stopped instantly giving way to nothing but tall golden grass. My legs burned and got heavier, and my lungs were lit with fear and fire dragging out every breath I took. A jarring alarm rang, cutting the silence and my bones.

Another figure jumped from the tall grass. His whole body screamed with forced anger, turning his ears and arms red. He charged after me, yelling with only half of his energy. My stomach twisted, waiting for him to turn into something horrid. I’m going to pee my pants! My mind cried, my eyelids now dams holding back the flow of water. So much pressure, it pushed against my skull, clawing its way out of my eyes.

I waited for the harsh impact of his body and threw my arms up at the last second. I almost forgot the knives in my hands when he crumpled to the floor just as the last person had, though he didn’t die. At least not right away.

Tears pooled in his eyes and his face began to seep through the redness of his anger. He mumbled a thanks and just as the other had, his eyes turned to glass forever glazing at the mirrored sky.

Another shriek sounded pulling my eyes away from the blood dripping onto my hands. I dropped them, pushing my hands against the side of my head blocking my ears. What is happening? The grass whipped around me, hitting me in the face as the elongated sound brought me to my knees hugging the dirt.

A brilliant white engulfed my vision, causing a ringing in my ear. As my eyes began to focus back into the world I noticed someone sitting with their leg curled to their chest beside me. My heart jumped to my throat threatening to cut it off. My mouth opened but no sound came out.

A smile hit her face when her black eyes found mine. “How did you get here?” Her voice sang playfully. I shrugged letting my eyes wander, looking for the knives I had just dropped. A glint in the side of my eyes begged for my attention and as I turned to reach out for it something cold and sharp clasped my wrists.

“What are you doing?” Her face was open with question and terror. I stumbled over my words not being able to get a full sentence out. Her nails dug into my flesh, cutting the skin. I could feel the warmth of my own blood trickling down to my hand.

Her hands opened in understanding. “You’re not from here, are you?” Her big blue eyes flicked over to where my knives lay. With a small pause, not big enough for me to respond she began again. “Assault is illegal here, so is murder and speech. We are not supposed to talk audibly. Just mimicking the words of our reflections.” That’s when I noticed how small her voice was.

“You don’t sound like you’re from here either,” I countered. My hand sits restlessly on my lap, the ticking in my head counting down the seconds to the outburst. “What…”

My eyes floated up towards what should’ve been the sky but my own face peered back at me with a red splotchy face. I began to move my arms in a way that waves might. The same movements were displayed on the scene above me. They landed on the girl beside me. Her front was shown but her back was disintegrating. The looks of static on an old tv, I could taste it on my tongue.

She cut me off with a small laugh and explained pulling my attention back to her. “This is per contra, the other hand. This is the part of yourself that you hide, this is where they live.” Her mouth kept moving, void of all sound. Still I could see the words on her lips. Your reflection. Her eyes only got wider waiting for me to swallow her words, to understand her home. The wind blew the grass above us, it cut off my vision from her and my stomach tightened.

“Why would your person hide this part of themselves? You seem really nice.” My mind begged me to stop talking, to run and find my own person who brought me here. To tell them to bring me back.

“My person is angry all the time,” her eyes found the floor. “She shares her second-hand emotions more than what she really feels. What I am, sad and disappointed. She only weeps when she sees me in the mirror, showing her that everything will be okay. Only she doesn’t believe that, she just wants to be stronger all the time. But she’s not, she’s just angry.”

My shoulders dropped and the tall grass blew once again pushing her black hair out of her face. I could see the scar on her left cheek. I winced and tried to bring my attention back to her eyes. She noticed and brought a hand up to cover her scar. “Since you are here, is there any way that she will be able to feel - sad?”

Something tugged at the corner of her lips. “Maybe one day I will no longer be trapped in here, but that will only ever happen when she dies. If- if she decides to change, to heal. I will still be here, I will just be different. I will be her anger, her frustration. There is no escape for the other hands.” I pulled back, leaning away from her. It was the only thing I could do to stop myself from reaching out.

She dried her tears, wiping them on the back of her peeling hand. “I know it’s mean to say but a part of me hopes she doesn’t change.” What are you? I bit the words back, holding them as they burned in my mouth. My stomach twisted again leaving me with crippling pain, drawing me closer to the earth.

The ground pulsed, sending dirt into my mouth. I spat, but it stuck to me like leeches. I watched in horror as the sad girl in front of me glitched, lines of her former self split into two leaving me with nothing but burn in the back of my eyelids of where she was. If I blinked really hard and fast, I could still see her silhouette.

A scream rang out, flipping my brain and sending me into a frenzy. I opened and moved my jaw in hopes my ears would pop and the noise would stop. Every part of me was on edge, I watched as the limbed figure approached the edge of the clearing. Its face, which was once spitting open with a grin, now loosely sewn shut.

My stomach revolted and I could taste the bile climbing up, suspended in the back of my throat. The tall grass hid me well but provided no sense of security. As the thing inched closer I could feel the hairs of my arms stand, as though she was a magnet pulling me closer to her.

I lifted, my feet slowly brushing off the ground. I was hung in the air before the beast. My eyes popped open as though being squeezed out of my head and my mouth was left agape. I met her eyes, sunken and wild with an empty cry. A screech sounded again, this time the sound of nails on a chalkboard scratched my brain with its harsh claws. Dissipating into an eerie silence, it scratched at my eardrums.

The next thing I knew I was falling, the ground came at me rapidly with karma in mind. I placed my hands across my body to help cushion the fall. Though when I was met with the ground pain shot up my arms and spine. A harsh crack sounded, leaving me sick to my stomach.

My eyes quickly filled with tears and I pulled every ounce of energy I had into standing and stumbling away. It felt as though I was pulling the energy away from my brain, leaving it with nothing.

A pressure built in my spine and my torso, squeezing me like a doll. Its talons wrapped around me digging into my side. Crimson soaked the side of my shirt, sticking to me like honey. A yelp pressed against my lips as my face soaked in tears. I was brought up to the things chest, the thing that used to be the little sweet girl.

“Please,” I begged, “Just let me go home. I will never come back, just let me go home.” An inhuman laugh gurgled through the holes it had in its neck. The stitches twisted and snapped, breaking away to loose gaping holes. I strained my eyes, clouded with salty tears and noticed small, dark green orbs glaring back at me.

My mouth was wrang dry like a towel, leaving nothing but a small wrinkled mass behind. I know what those were, I’ve seen them more times than I can count. Everyone I knew had them and still out of place they looked, wrong. Thousands of little eyes glaring at me, caught in the reflecting light as they gaped.

My face copied those inside, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. They held them like I was already a part of them, I was theirs. My hand itches for the knives that I had left lost in the mass of the golden, dry grass. My nails dug into the hard surfaces of thing that gripped me — as it brought me closer my grip tightened.

Eyelids pulled shut like shades, squeezing out every ray of light until I could see nothing but the dark purples and blacks painted across my eyelids. The dark shades started moving and creating terrifying little figures against my lids. I ripped them open in a frenzy, my eyes darted crazily around the area and I could feel my pulse in every inch of my body, crackling like Pop Rocks.

An unearthly laugh escaped the holes, hurling at me from the depths of the figure. The force blew the hair from my face, splashing my face with what I can only assume is spit. I gagged and my stomach sloshing with whatever was left within it.

I was pressed into one of the bigger holes in the tops of the head. Darkness enveloped me and I was nothing but a speck. Silhouettes of hands reached out to break my fall. As soon as I was touched with their hands, I recoiled and my skin crawled. They were in between liquid and solid, like they didn’t exist, like oobleck.

I stifled a scream, my vocal chords crying with overuse. I was hit with the freezing temperature that radiated around me, holding me locked in place. My mind plays tricks with the cold, turning it to heat. Thinking I was being burned by the sudden change of temperature. I wanted to move, to leave. The ringing in my ears only got louder and louder until I couldn’t take it anymore. My mind was locking me inside and I didn’t have a key. I brought my fist up to my face, connecting it to my temple. Over and over again until I had no strength. Until my body relaxed, I fought to keep my eyes open, though they fell as I had just moments before.

My hair tugged harshly and my skull sang. I lifted a hand of my own to be sure that my hair was still there and that I didn’t have a random bald spot. I let my brows fall in confusion; I thought I had opened my eyes. Still, the only thing that was before me was a pit of nothingness. I lifted my hands and tried to look down at my legs but still, nothing came to my line of vision. The only thing that was a constant in my vision were the small dots of light above me.

I lifted my feet but something kept its grip like I was planted in the ground. My feet twisted and burned. Like wood that was benign lit, slivers inched their way into my toes and legs spanning about 2 inches. They reached down to its core, and my muscles tightened with understanding. I’m hers now and I’m not going anywhere.

My legs still burned bringing the heat and embers to my throat, squeezing its way out. I wanted to drop to my knees, to hold something to keep me sturdy. I didn’t want to have to rely on myself as support. I didn’t trust myself enough to give me any sort of leeway. The air thinned around me and I choked. It was taking more than my breath. Panic plagued my brain, spidering down my nerves and making home in every organ and muscle in my body.

Whimpers and sounds of pain and discomfort sang in a chorus around me, drilling to the center of my brain. I wanted to ask them questions to understand what was happening, why they were here too. Anxiety blocked my windpipe and demanded my silence. My breaths became rushed; I imagined my lips turned blue and my hand found my face just to see if they would feel different. Would they? Disappointment dragged at my heart, it did not. I’m not sure what I expected.

My hand felt at the top of my head and I winced. I imagined a black bruise stark against the paleness of my skin forming under the hits I had given myself. Do it again. My mind roared, but I ignored it looking around the dark place I can now call my home.

I just wanted to lay down, my limbs shook and I was consumed with an unreal sense of calmness. I would let this fowl thing devour me, let it hold me here forever. It wouldn’t be so bad, would it? To not have any responsibilities, no loud noises. Just me dancing with sleep.

I let my knees fall to the ground and am met with the same pain as my feet suffered moments before. Quickly, I lay on my side. The pain carried its way through my mouth in the form of a cry. Soon, splinters encased my whole body. It prickled at my eyes and in my nose, I wriggled in discomfort. Still the eerie calmness took hold and forced me to stay, to not move a muscle. Paralyzing the panic.

Why would I move? They continued, tracing my body with little sewing pins and pieces of wood. They held me in place as sewing pins often do. Leaving me to my thoughts, is this really what I want?

My face pressed to the ground, smashing my cheeks and rattling my teeth. My eyes flew open, something close brushed against my lashes, my eyes widened and I tried to pull away. The splinters kept me grounded.

The darkness ripped like water and filtered out to show me myself. Only this time I was sitting up right and my eyes were dull, like the glass eyes on a doll. She looked, almost happy to see the scene that lay in front of her.

“You’re hers now,” she teased in a sing-song voice, a deranged laugh echoed in the hollows of her throat. Holding me and my sight captive. I unconsciously mirrored her words with lips of my own as she spoke them. Her smile printed on my lips, my face twisted into entertainment then mockery. She twisted her face into different expressions and I could feel the skin on myself pull and relax with her.

My stomach twisted and tears escaped my face which held a daunting smile. The scene before me never changed; I lay there jumping from mirror to mirror, watching my old life unfold. My eyes peeled open as I watched her play with every important person I knew, convincing them of things extremely untrue. Playing them like puppets.

My nose tingles and my throat grew ropes, pulling at every movement, scratching my insides. Rubbing them raw. I am the puppet now. This is just a dream, this is not real. The voice in my mind was small, but still there. Although every time I opened my eyes she was there, or I was there. The only rest I was allowed was when she couldn’t see herself, when she couldn’t see me.

Months had passed, I was still laying there. Only allowed leeway when my reflection was present. I have begun calling her my secret self, my evil twin. Either would work. There is now a pit where my heart used to be, now covered in needles and slivers of wood. A hole where my hope was.

Shivers encased my body, holding me as this thing is. There is no longer a time when the cold doesn’t dig its claws into my body, pulling me further into the unwelcoming environment. I wish she would've told me that they could escape, that we were never safe from the people we hold deep inside of us.

Still, tears clawed at my throat and my face twists in bitterness as I can only sit there. Watching her mess up the life I once called mine. Rage is the only thing I am allowed to feel, rage is the only thing I can ever feel.

“We don’t know, she just lost it. She went around screaming and threw a boiling cup of coffee up in the air and screamed more when it landed on her. Telling us to leave her alone; hiding in the closets and in small places like the cabinets. Jumping out at us whenever we got close.” An exasperated sigh left her lips as she shook her head. “I just-I just don't know what else to do with her.” She spoke with a tight throat, tears threatening her.

“She pulled a knife from the kitchen block and started running around the neighborhood. She stabbed two people, neither of which I know how they are doing.” He wrapped his arms around his wife, holding her close as she sobs soaked into his navy blue shirt. “She needs help.”

“Of course, I just need your permission to run a few tests to see why she is behaving this way. Come, let's go to my office and we can discuss everything necessary. You will be able to leave at any point in time. There is no need to make you stay here with someone you once knew as your daughter.” The doctor spoke so matter-a-factly that the mothers sobs only got worse and more sorrow filled as they walked away.

She glanced one last time over her shoulder at the person she thought she knew so well. Her eyes lingered at the sight of her daughter, brown ragged hair thrown and coated with the wind and sweat. Their eyes met and she froze, what was once lively and beautiful was now glossed over, lost to the world inside of her mind.

She lay on her side, perfectly still — it was hard to tell if she was even still breathing. A jacket hugged her arms to her body, chaining her to the floor. Locking her in place for at least the time being. Tears begged for sweet release of her eyes once more, how could I have done my job so, so wrong?

The BiteSammie GarbersApril 7, 2022